Too many `IFS’
Too many `WHENS’
Too many `SORRYS’
And `NEVER AGAINS’
Too many `PROMISES’
Too many `LIES’
Far too many `ONE MORE TRIES’
How many were there,
Before I knew
That `ACTIONS’ speak louder
Than `PROMISES’ do?
This is a story of one of my clients Avani* and it’s not only of her but is the story of many women who face emotional turmoil and at some point, seek some answers. Answers to…
Why must they go through this pain of abuse?
What have they done to deserve this?
Why are they not able to break out of it or stop it?
So, please be with me as it reflects the plight of a women’s life and the trauma she faces.
Through this story I want to shed some light on the fact that sometimes its “We who attract it”. And it’s in our hands to “let go of it”.
FACTS OF ABUSE/ILLTREATMENT
According to the study on Domestic violence or intimate partner violence (IPV) as it is sometimes called, is a worldwide problem. Domestic abuse includes physical, emotional and sexual violence of any form. The Psychological impact of abuse is, it can erode into a woman’s sense of self-worth and can be incredibly harmful to overall mental and physical wellbeing. Women who experience domestic violence for an extended period, tends to have greater overall emotional distress and disturbingly high occurrences of suicidal thoughts and attempts. According to a study by the National Centre for Biotechnology Information, suicide attempts in India are correlated with physical and psychological intimate partner violence. Of the Indian women who participated in the study, 7.5% reported attempting suicide. This correlation is supported by the high rates of domestic violence in India, although the rates differ greatly by region, individual
and other factors.
“Rashhi, do you think I killed my husband in my past life?” asked Avani*.
Just when she expressed her fear, it seemed as if this had already happened before, a sense of Déjà vu. There was this vague sense of familiarity I had when Avani walked into the room. Just seconds before she turned, I knew that this had happened before and that very moment I felt that I could predict her next move only a millisecond before it happens. Slowly, she narrated her whole life story.
Avani is from an influential family, and has a very good professional career with a 7-digit salary. As she turned the pages of her life, she could not hold her tears! With pain in her voice, she told me that she was disowned at the age of 5 by her mother, and she spent her whole life at the mercy of her relatives. And then to make it worse, she is now living with an abusive husband. The only happy memory she had was of her grandfather.
My first impression of her was that, she was an epitome of an artiste at this stage of her life, and everyone close to her think of her as a ray of sunshine. She is 5’4, slim, with a charismatic personality and always full of life. Well, apparently it was only on the surface but deep within her I could sense the pain she was holding and was almost successful in hiding it.
It got me thinking…Is this charismatic and independent woman, truly independent? I really don’t know.
We all have feelings, when these are hurt over a period, we master ourselves to hide it. Not just from the world but also from self. Or should I say we learn to live with it. Being honest is what makes us believable, for our feelings may not always be reachable.
However much she tried to do well, her husband thought of her as a slave or a subordinate and mistreated her. Physically and emotionally. He had been successful in uprooting her faith in herself. He had been successful in making her feel and think that she was no good in this world, nothing but a burden. It is quite evident that it has destroyed her self-esteem. She had convinced herself that she is useless, dumb and stupid which is what he had been calling her repeatedly. This continued brainwashing has made her dependent on him, thinking that there’s no way she would survive without him. She thought that only he was willing to take her because she was such a horrible person.
Her reason for staying in this relationship? Her child. She said as if in disbelief, “Believe me, though I have suffered for the last 16 years, I still want to give him another chance”. She doesn’t want to deprive the child of its father’s love, which she never had. The complete family she never got.
With a lot of pain, she said, “What made me fall in love with this guy… what?? I thought I knew him, but I didn’t. When you are not living with the person, you don’t really know. This person…who changed overnight after our wedding?”.
She confessed, “Rashhi, Love becomes ones’ weakness sometimes. I have suffered a lot. Every time I fallback I want to give it a chance. But I am tired now. Although I have learnt to hide the bruises and he was good at not leaving them where they could be seen. I really want to know why I chose him.”
We began our session…made our intentions for healing… did regression…and…
Immediately she went into the depths of her subconscious as if she had been waiting to dive within.
She saw herself in Peru as a young, beautiful tribal girl of 16 years, living with her mother (present day best friend). And as we moved forward she saw that she was getting married to the boy she loved and had been friends since childhood.
The head of her tribe liked her a lot and was already pressurizing her mother for her hand in marriage. But her mother knew of her daughter’s love. She arranged her daughter’s marriage in hurry with the boy she loved, as she was aware of the storm that might brew, if she delays in her daughter’s marriage. But it was too late. The tribal chief got wind of the wedding and killed her mother and her fiancé and forced her to marry him or she would face the same fate. She cried for help but nobody in her tribe had the courage to come forward to save her. She felt so helpless and felt as if she had lost everything. She was filled with extreme anger and hatred for the chief, which was her last moment as he killed her for not listening to him.
Her last thoughts were, “I had such a beautiful life. I had everything. A loving mother, a man whom I loved dearly… I will avenge the death of my loved ones… I won’t spare him”.
Answer #Suffering #Abuse
She made a
contract with herself that she will not spare him. She will avenge the death of her loved ones. So, it was she who attracted him, she said when she reviewed her life in spiritual plane.
So, we went through the healing part of the session and she got the message from Masters to “Let Go” and “forgive”. This is all she needed to move on and live in peace with herself. “You have to ‘stop’ the cycle of this abuse”. And until you put a stop to it and learn to live on your own and respect yourself, you will not come out of it”… It was so profound and powerful…
This is her lesson to stop this abuse and let go of the pain and abuse..
She was happy when she left. However, a thought was bothering me…
She is a well-educated, successful career woman… Why did she let it continue for so long? 16 years…? Is she really independent and free? Apparently, not!
What about the ones who are dependent on their abusers? Who don’t have an education or a financial independence, to fall back on. And feel trapped in a relationship forever. Many victims of domestic abuse feel they lack the appropriate support to enable them to positively alter their situation, but by just taking the first step of “Letting Go” of repeated ongoing abuse, it is possible.
My advice to everyone out there is, don’t be afraid ask for help. Even if you have to swallow your pride. Believe in yourself, don’t give up and use the chance to change your destiny, although it may seem difficult at first. Everyone has the right to live in dignity in their own home, free from fear of violence or harm. You may feel angry, mystified and somewhat jilted by the others, but Don’t give up…
I pray, may the Almighty God shower all His blessings, love, joy, comfort, peace, healing to all. And give strength to Accept and Let Go.
“May life and wellness grow in fullness and fill each and every thread of your life.
I Pray for all”
Love, Light & Healing to All